I haven't fasted for awhile but felt called last week to get on it. I was worried at first that I was just fasting because I secretly wanted to lose a whole bunch of weight. There, I've said it. But fortunately, during the first three days, I wasn't miserable which is usually a sign for me that God has got my back. Yay God.
This all started because of my other blog, where I am much more regimented and reliable, Meditations from Zion, where I post almost daily as part of my devotional practice. I am doing a very slow walk through the New Testament and responding to verses that capture my imagination. I'm into my third year and I've only reached Ephesians. Anyway, it was somewhere in the 4th chapter that I started feeling uncomfortable with my relationship with the Holy Spirit. And by the time I got to verses 29 and 30 where it talks about "Grieving the Holy Spirit," I was downright despondent.
My quick mouth and harsh words are out of control, just like my eating and just about every other way I relate to my 3D world. The fast was the only way I could think to slow things down. But truly, what I really need is a silent retreat alone or maybe a dose of the All Saints Convent where they give regular folks a place to be quiet. I used to go there all the time. I'm kind of sad I've lost that habit. (mildly funny choice of word there)
All right, so here I am at Day 6 of my fast and I can't say I have a lot to show for it. I've tried to rein in my talking and that's been only slightly successful (at least I didn't blow up at some of the things my teenagers have been saying to me . . . or not saying). And perhaps I haven't zinged anyone or shared any delicious gossip. But truly, have my words been a balm to anyone? That would be the goal.
I think I'm spending too much time in my daily routine with the addition of not eating. That's not how it's supposed to go. Tomorrow I have to work, so I can't do much there. And in the evening, I have to attend a reception and watch everyone eat and drink and try NOT to engage anyone in the "you're what? you're fasting? Why?" etc. But perhaps on Sunday I could do a little road trip just to get away from everything. Take my journal and my heart and look for the God of my heart.
Because that is the point. I think my every day life has done a really good job of clouding my reach inside. My spirit/soul self has one life and my outer self is living another life altogether. We need to merge, connect, create a network, get on Facebook . . . something! We hardly know each other. It's time.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Monday, May 03, 2010
Returning to the Fire
I'm not sure how to get myself back to the conversation I started here with myself. I have put so much energy into the Meditations and Library Looney, that I haven't felt as compelled to write here. I remember thinking that each blog would fill a particular writing need . . . where is that place today? Where is the fire?
There is the writing process itself. I don't have much of a forum for that. I also don't know much, stumbling along from day to day. I keep churning out words. It's humiliating sometimes. But I am determined to keep writing. That has to be the biggest hurdle of all.
Where else is there fire?
There is a deep refining process going on now our children who have reached their late teens. These years are proving much more difficult than I expected, particularly with one kid unstable emotionally, one unpredictably pushing at the envelope of the law, and the other choosing a non-academic future. Their roads feel long and filled with rocks and potholes. I want to go out there and smooth the way, but there is less and less I can do. Can I allow them to just be? Can I allow them to fall and fail? I may have no choice. That's not the way I thought things would go. I'm fighting the disappointment cloud that loves to hang over my head.
And lastly, there is the fire that is my struggle with church. Do we stay where we have been for twenty years or more? What should keep us there? Where else? There is no emergent group nearby. There is no Renovare group nearby. There is just more church. A friend challenged me to consider non-affiliating all together, to take more of a "God journey" that would be built on relationships and then see what might happen from there. If it was just me, I might be able to try it, but what do these teens of mine need? What does Mike want? I don't know. I just don't know. Lots of questions with few answers.
Oh yeah, there's plenty of fire. There's also plenty of dross.
There is the writing process itself. I don't have much of a forum for that. I also don't know much, stumbling along from day to day. I keep churning out words. It's humiliating sometimes. But I am determined to keep writing. That has to be the biggest hurdle of all.
Where else is there fire?
There is a deep refining process going on now our children who have reached their late teens. These years are proving much more difficult than I expected, particularly with one kid unstable emotionally, one unpredictably pushing at the envelope of the law, and the other choosing a non-academic future. Their roads feel long and filled with rocks and potholes. I want to go out there and smooth the way, but there is less and less I can do. Can I allow them to just be? Can I allow them to fall and fail? I may have no choice. That's not the way I thought things would go. I'm fighting the disappointment cloud that loves to hang over my head.
And lastly, there is the fire that is my struggle with church. Do we stay where we have been for twenty years or more? What should keep us there? Where else? There is no emergent group nearby. There is no Renovare group nearby. There is just more church. A friend challenged me to consider non-affiliating all together, to take more of a "God journey" that would be built on relationships and then see what might happen from there. If it was just me, I might be able to try it, but what do these teens of mine need? What does Mike want? I don't know. I just don't know. Lots of questions with few answers.
Oh yeah, there's plenty of fire. There's also plenty of dross.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Check out my shelves
Hi irmgardebrown,
I'm just getting started and moving my reads to this site. How do you like it?
http://www.goodreads.com/friend/i?n=irmgardebrown fire&e=irmgardebrown.fire@blogger.com&i=LTM2MDQyMzEwMzg6Mzgx- Irmbrown
(brown@hcplonline.info)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx
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Saturday, November 14, 2009
In or Out?
It's amazing how a point of view can change after all. I used to think that these things were more rooted and inflexible. But I see myself changing each month... each year, my faith morphing, my love of Christ becoming more enduring, more challenging.
For anyone who has read any of my posts over the last year, you know I have been examining and reading lots of books, articles, and posts that have been emanating from the Emergent church movement. The emergents are really a disorderly crew whose spokespeople are self-appointed and express themselves differently, depending on their bent toward writing, speaking or performing. In some ways, it makes it more difficult to corral their points of view... everyone putting emphasis on those areas most important to them.
Most recently, I just finished Take Our Bread by Sara Miles. This is not the type of book I would have read a few years ago. Just by nature of the fact that she is a lesbian would have turned me off and away from her material. But then I also would have missed her love for Christ and the description of her work with the poor and the beautiful way she expresses Christ as the Bread of Life. Sara Miles is walking an authentic life. She is true to herself and her Lord.
A few days ago, I participated in a book discussion group that is an outgrowth of our church reading and discussing The Relationship Principles of Jesus by Tom Holladay in small groups. I would not say this is the most challenging book I've ever read... far from it. But the discussion that came out of the chapters about judging was very interesting and unfortunately, very revealing. One of the participants talked at length about his view of "non-judging" being represented by two concentric circles.... those who are "following the will of God... even poorly" are within the inner circle and less likely to judge while those who are willfully "not following the will of God" are outside. (It almost felt like Project Runway, either you are "in" or you are "out.")
How can anyone talk about "in" and "out" or following the will of God as a black & white experience and not believe this would end up being a judgmental practice.... even if done with "love."
Personally, I can no longer operate this way. If anything, I think we are all "out." We all fail; we all sin and fall out of the will of God daily.
Our pastor explained judging as making an assessment and along with it thinking less (or more) of the other person. If we say someone is either "in" or "out" ... isn't that automatically saying they are less?
I think the trap lies in thinking one sin is more sinful than another. But I don't see that in Jesus. Nor do I see it in Paul, even though he makes lists of sins. But there is still scripture that trumps them all: "...There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. [Romans 3:22b-23]
In the center of those concentric circles is only Christ Jesus and we are all drawn to the magnet of his love: some days we are closer to Him than on other days. But He is always drawing us nearer ... nearer by God to thee.
For anyone who has read any of my posts over the last year, you know I have been examining and reading lots of books, articles, and posts that have been emanating from the Emergent church movement. The emergents are really a disorderly crew whose spokespeople are self-appointed and express themselves differently, depending on their bent toward writing, speaking or performing. In some ways, it makes it more difficult to corral their points of view... everyone putting emphasis on those areas most important to them.
Most recently, I just finished Take Our Bread by Sara Miles. This is not the type of book I would have read a few years ago. Just by nature of the fact that she is a lesbian would have turned me off and away from her material. But then I also would have missed her love for Christ and the description of her work with the poor and the beautiful way she expresses Christ as the Bread of Life. Sara Miles is walking an authentic life. She is true to herself and her Lord.
A few days ago, I participated in a book discussion group that is an outgrowth of our church reading and discussing The Relationship Principles of Jesus by Tom Holladay in small groups. I would not say this is the most challenging book I've ever read... far from it. But the discussion that came out of the chapters about judging was very interesting and unfortunately, very revealing. One of the participants talked at length about his view of "non-judging" being represented by two concentric circles.... those who are "following the will of God... even poorly" are within the inner circle and less likely to judge while those who are willfully "not following the will of God" are outside. (It almost felt like Project Runway, either you are "in" or you are "out.")
How can anyone talk about "in" and "out" or following the will of God as a black & white experience and not believe this would end up being a judgmental practice.... even if done with "love."
Personally, I can no longer operate this way. If anything, I think we are all "out." We all fail; we all sin and fall out of the will of God daily.
Our pastor explained judging as making an assessment and along with it thinking less (or more) of the other person. If we say someone is either "in" or "out" ... isn't that automatically saying they are less?
I think the trap lies in thinking one sin is more sinful than another. But I don't see that in Jesus. Nor do I see it in Paul, even though he makes lists of sins. But there is still scripture that trumps them all: "...There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. [Romans 3:22b-23]
In the center of those concentric circles is only Christ Jesus and we are all drawn to the magnet of his love: some days we are closer to Him than on other days. But He is always drawing us nearer ... nearer by God to thee.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Adapting to Loving Others
Just saw Adaptation (the movie) again with Nicolas Cage and Meryl Streep. I liked it so much more this time than the last time. So here's the line to remember: "It's more important who you love than who loves you."
The only time that is not true is in the things of God. God loving me is supremely important... but here's the trick: God's love is unconditional.
Historically, I have judged the quality of those loving me (all the non-gods). And most of those have been found wanting. I'm sorry, truly... globally sorry. And so, tonight, I release you all. Love me or love me not.
I can only own my own feelings, my own intent, my own motives. God will not love me more because I love God. Jesus will not love me more because I love Him. You will not love me more either. I can't make you love me. I can't be who you need me to be. I can't be who you want me to be. And you can't do any better for me. In fact, the key is for me to love you anyway. That's all.
It's fresh and real tonight. What will I remember tomorrow? May this moment stretch into the morning.
The only time that is not true is in the things of God. God loving me is supremely important... but here's the trick: God's love is unconditional.
Historically, I have judged the quality of those loving me (all the non-gods). And most of those have been found wanting. I'm sorry, truly... globally sorry. And so, tonight, I release you all. Love me or love me not.
I can only own my own feelings, my own intent, my own motives. God will not love me more because I love God. Jesus will not love me more because I love Him. You will not love me more either. I can't make you love me. I can't be who you need me to be. I can't be who you want me to be. And you can't do any better for me. In fact, the key is for me to love you anyway. That's all.
It's fresh and real tonight. What will I remember tomorrow? May this moment stretch into the morning.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Emergent Fracturing
Well, here's an interesting blog post by Mark Sayers... The Emerging Missional Church Fractures into Mini Movements. Sigh. It's a good overview... but not too encouraging for a newbie who is trying to find her way. Nonetheless, it's important part of the canon.
I'm trying to think how I got to this point. I guess it all started with Phyllis Tickle: her books and thoughts seemed so clear and sound. And the issue she raises, this question of "authority" is affecting this current "fracturing" for sure. I think all of these fractures that Sayers talks about are just flavors, some more appealing to one group than another. He is right about one thing, it is quite similar to fractured protestantism in the form of denominations.
I think back to the beginnings of the charismatic movement (dates me) ... different flavors that developed and warped pretty quickly (is 20 years quick?). And then, aspects of it just got absorbed into local churches. Oh, originally, there were these little pockets and para-church organizations that grew and expanded out by "providing a place" for those hand-raisers to do their thing in a group setting and still attend their "home church." Oh how we prayed that the Holy Spirit would "show up" in our "dead" churches ... or some such foolishness. We all talked that way.
Now, many of these para-church organizations are struggling because those unmet needs are getting met in former "mainline" churches or mega churches.
Will the emergent movement and "emergent worship" do the same? Will it grow in small groups... pods... or cells... and as more people get a taste for it, be brought into the "mainline" churches or mega churches?
I can just see it now... the Emergent Sunday School class. LOL.
I'm trying to think how I got to this point. I guess it all started with Phyllis Tickle: her books and thoughts seemed so clear and sound. And the issue she raises, this question of "authority" is affecting this current "fracturing" for sure. I think all of these fractures that Sayers talks about are just flavors, some more appealing to one group than another. He is right about one thing, it is quite similar to fractured protestantism in the form of denominations.
I think back to the beginnings of the charismatic movement (dates me) ... different flavors that developed and warped pretty quickly (is 20 years quick?). And then, aspects of it just got absorbed into local churches. Oh, originally, there were these little pockets and para-church organizations that grew and expanded out by "providing a place" for those hand-raisers to do their thing in a group setting and still attend their "home church." Oh how we prayed that the Holy Spirit would "show up" in our "dead" churches ... or some such foolishness. We all talked that way.
Now, many of these para-church organizations are struggling because those unmet needs are getting met in former "mainline" churches or mega churches.
Will the emergent movement and "emergent worship" do the same? Will it grow in small groups... pods... or cells... and as more people get a taste for it, be brought into the "mainline" churches or mega churches?
I can just see it now... the Emergent Sunday School class. LOL.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Marking the Day
Today we went to Lily's follow-up appointment for her bone scan. The news was good, although she must have a cat scan next, the doctor believes what they are seeing is benign. He is expecting the scan to verify his diagnosis. Thanks be to God.
Over the past two weeks, I have felt so helpless as we moved toward this day. I didn't want to worry needlessly or become anxious and so I took the only action I felt I could take: I fasted. It was a good fast and I am grateful for these 12 days of centering down and seeking God's unfailing love. Today I broke my fast and I am content in the embrace of God's promises.
Secondly, today, I reached the end of my first year's commitment/effort of keeping a daily devotion. I was not 100% successful at all, nonetheless, I kept at it. I marked my time and days. Tomorrow I begin my second year. For me, this is an important exercise in spiritual discipline and a responsibility to those who have shared in my bible studies.
And lastly, although it is not about an ending or a beginning, I have really embraced a second discipline of writing every day, first my morning meditations and last, before bedtime, my manuscript. This writing time is bringing me great personal joy and fulfillment. In the midst of it all, I can say, I am happy.
And so, I mark this day because I want to remember.
Over the past two weeks, I have felt so helpless as we moved toward this day. I didn't want to worry needlessly or become anxious and so I took the only action I felt I could take: I fasted. It was a good fast and I am grateful for these 12 days of centering down and seeking God's unfailing love. Today I broke my fast and I am content in the embrace of God's promises.
Secondly, today, I reached the end of my first year's commitment/effort of keeping a daily devotion. I was not 100% successful at all, nonetheless, I kept at it. I marked my time and days. Tomorrow I begin my second year. For me, this is an important exercise in spiritual discipline and a responsibility to those who have shared in my bible studies.
And lastly, although it is not about an ending or a beginning, I have really embraced a second discipline of writing every day, first my morning meditations and last, before bedtime, my manuscript. This writing time is bringing me great personal joy and fulfillment. In the midst of it all, I can say, I am happy.
And so, I mark this day because I want to remember.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
More Clarity on Emergence
Enjoyed this post from Emergent Village by Jonathan Brink called The Circle of Inclusion. I particularly like his comment that "In refusing to be defined by 'traditional' methods of definitions, the emerging church has taken away the traditional means of arguing." Sounds right.
It's always bothered me when people start asking questions in order to pigeon hole our differences ... "oh you're one of those!"
But then... all the comments! What a melee. I guess that goes with the territory.
It's always bothered me when people start asking questions in order to pigeon hole our differences ... "oh you're one of those!"
But then... all the comments! What a melee. I guess that goes with the territory.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Emergent Village and Me
This is so strange, really. I feel like I'm playing some kind of catch up game. The emergent church movement has been around for 10 years apparently ... it's been around so long that they are already having small group sessions and workshops to figure out what to do next ... growing pains even! It's like coming into the latest style after everyone else is starting to wear something else.
And here I am, so terribly new to the process, trying to read all that I can read and understand what is happening "out there." I'm not a theologian. I'm not in or connected to a university. I'm not an x, y or z generation. And it's taking awhile to figure out where everyone else (EV) has been so then I can understand why they are concerned about the now or the future.
I've even read where some younger folks in the emergent movement believe it has passed its prime. That seems amazing to me. I mean, most of the books have just come out in the last 4-5 years. Like everything else, it's all moving very fast.
The only avenue for "emergent conversation" for me is virtual. I'm trying to feel my way into a connection. It's all so interesting. But it's not so easy to feel a part of it. No matter what folks say about it, there is a language and a now, even a history, that must be known to participate.
Well, I'll just keep pressing on ... pressing in. If you're interested... here's a place to start: Emergent Village.
And here I am, so terribly new to the process, trying to read all that I can read and understand what is happening "out there." I'm not a theologian. I'm not in or connected to a university. I'm not an x, y or z generation. And it's taking awhile to figure out where everyone else (EV) has been so then I can understand why they are concerned about the now or the future.
I've even read where some younger folks in the emergent movement believe it has passed its prime. That seems amazing to me. I mean, most of the books have just come out in the last 4-5 years. Like everything else, it's all moving very fast.
The only avenue for "emergent conversation" for me is virtual. I'm trying to feel my way into a connection. It's all so interesting. But it's not so easy to feel a part of it. No matter what folks say about it, there is a language and a now, even a history, that must be known to participate.
Well, I'll just keep pressing on ... pressing in. If you're interested... here's a place to start: Emergent Village.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I Am, Because You Are
I've just continued to read and read as I pursue understanding about the Emergent movement and what this might mean for me. Great Emergence by Phyllis Tickle was so significant and I appreciate her style so much that I have picked up some of her early titles. It's always interesting to go backward in an author's canon, seeing the seeds of ideas that will be fully articulated later.
Anyway, I'm reading her Prayer is a Place right now. This book is more biographical in addition to her "observations" of American religion during her time as the religion editor at PW (Publisher's Weekly). But it is here that she asks many of the questions that she answers more fully in Great Emergence.
Among those questions is "what makes us human?" Historically, it has been based on Descartes aphorism, "I think, therefore I am." But as our world and culture have changed around us, as more difficult questions are examined, like abortion, euthanasia, robotics, and more, there must be further examinations to this "human-ness" question.
I was astounded as she shared her discovery of ubuntu, an African theological/philosophical term that she learned from Desmond Tutu. In essence, it means, "I am, because you are." When I read this last night, I thoroughly arrested. This is a mind-boggling concept and must be pondered (both in the heart and soul). She illustrated the idea with Quantum physics where "without the observer, the observed is not, because it is indeterminate. Once observed, it is determinate and therefore is as it has been observed."
My first thought went to Second Life, a virtual community that I participate in sporadically now. But when you visit there in your avatar form, you can only "see" the parts of the community within your "virtual perception." If you fly about (yes, that's the most popular mode of travel), the canvas unfolds (or "rezzes") as you enter the area. It unfolds. It is always there and others are rezzing their areas, but for you, what you see and interact with... that's what is real for that moment. This was my first construct.
My second thought goes back to the work I have been doing, as a result of a study of Philippians, about koinonia (or community) and the sacred other. Our human-ness is directly related to our relationships. It requires more mindfulness then, our contact with others. Community and connection then is an essential to human-ness. Isolation places tremendous stress on a person and may, actually, sap their soul.
More to think about... more to consider.
Anyway, I'm reading her Prayer is a Place right now. This book is more biographical in addition to her "observations" of American religion during her time as the religion editor at PW (Publisher's Weekly). But it is here that she asks many of the questions that she answers more fully in Great Emergence.
Among those questions is "what makes us human?" Historically, it has been based on Descartes aphorism, "I think, therefore I am." But as our world and culture have changed around us, as more difficult questions are examined, like abortion, euthanasia, robotics, and more, there must be further examinations to this "human-ness" question.
I was astounded as she shared her discovery of ubuntu, an African theological/philosophical term that she learned from Desmond Tutu. In essence, it means, "I am, because you are." When I read this last night, I thoroughly arrested. This is a mind-boggling concept and must be pondered (both in the heart and soul). She illustrated the idea with Quantum physics where "without the observer, the observed is not, because it is indeterminate. Once observed, it is determinate and therefore is as it has been observed."
My first thought went to Second Life, a virtual community that I participate in sporadically now. But when you visit there in your avatar form, you can only "see" the parts of the community within your "virtual perception." If you fly about (yes, that's the most popular mode of travel), the canvas unfolds (or "rezzes") as you enter the area. It unfolds. It is always there and others are rezzing their areas, but for you, what you see and interact with... that's what is real for that moment. This was my first construct.
My second thought goes back to the work I have been doing, as a result of a study of Philippians, about koinonia (or community) and the sacred other. Our human-ness is directly related to our relationships. It requires more mindfulness then, our contact with others. Community and connection then is an essential to human-ness. Isolation places tremendous stress on a person and may, actually, sap their soul.
More to think about... more to consider.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Little Beginnings
Had a great weekend with my friend in New York... was great to talk, laugh, EAT, go to the theatre, remember old times. In just a few short days, that fellowship time, renewed my heart and I am ready to begin again.
These little beginnings are what I'd like to know in my spirit life. I know that each day is new ... I mean, I know this intellectually. But I want this truth experientially.
From my friend I received unconditional love, encouragement, empathy, appreciation, and more. I know that God can do this for me... to me... with me. Every day. It's a breath. It's faith.
These little beginnings are what I'd like to know in my spirit life. I know that each day is new ... I mean, I know this intellectually. But I want this truth experientially.
From my friend I received unconditional love, encouragement, empathy, appreciation, and more. I know that God can do this for me... to me... with me. Every day. It's a breath. It's faith.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
My Brain is Firing Off
I'm doing FB and Twitter and in just a week of Emergent news, my brain is firing off like crazy. My book list just got 5 books longer by going to The Well. And then, I just had to check out tweets from Ashton Kutcher & the Mrs. about The Shack! And then... and then... and now, it's already moving into the night hours.
OK. Slow down. One book at a time.
But then, my bible study tonight was fabulous. These folks just signed up for what they thought would be a "traditional" study of Philippians and I'm introducing them to koinonia! And before I even read the post about the Indwelling Christ, the last half of our class was about Knowing Christ intimately, being "In Christ," and allowing the Holy Spirit to really do an authentic circumcision of the heart. Paul's desire to "know Christ" was complete and total. It was his mantra.
There's just this tremendous synchronicity going on my heart... my soul... my mind. It's all good. But ... it's fast!
OK. Slow down. One book at a time.
But then, my bible study tonight was fabulous. These folks just signed up for what they thought would be a "traditional" study of Philippians and I'm introducing them to koinonia! And before I even read the post about the Indwelling Christ, the last half of our class was about Knowing Christ intimately, being "In Christ," and allowing the Holy Spirit to really do an authentic circumcision of the heart. Paul's desire to "know Christ" was complete and total. It was his mantra.
There's just this tremendous synchronicity going on my heart... my soul... my mind. It's all good. But ... it's fast!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Studying All Things Emergent
Well, I've started doing what I love to do: reading everything I can get my hands on that will catch me up to what is happening in this "Emergent" & "Emerging" "postmodern" Christian movement. I am so enjoying this process. Of course, I'm always so envious as I roam the web finding blogs and websites and lists of places where Emergent worship is already happening: cities pretty much but not all. And so, there's hope for this little Maryland town too. :-)
So, here's what I've read or I'm reading (also can see my list of want to reads on Facebook's Virtual Bookshelf app):
Since I'm not able to have a conversation with any of these folks in person, I'll be satisfied for now with the books and the Word and my time with the Lord Himself. And maybe after I get the lay of the land, I'll enter some virtual conversations. We'll see.
I just know I want something more from my worship experience. I want to be free in my "church community." I want to be myself ... who reads all kinds of books and watches all kinds of movies and sometimes even blows it in a big way language-wise. I want to ask hard questions of myself and others. I only want one litmus test for my faith: knowing Jesus and Him crucified & resurrected for me. I want a place ... a fellowship... a desire for a true koinonia has been birthed in me through my study of Philippians.... where we can follow the "way of Jesus" together in love and humility and trust.
So, here's what I've read or I'm reading (also can see my list of want to reads on Facebook's Virtual Bookshelf app):
- The Great Emergence by Phyllis Tickle (perfect introduction to the movement along with overview of the great cataclysms in our church past)
- The New Christians: Dispatches from the Emergent Frontier by Tony Jones (Emergent Village head honcho - a loose cohort of emergent communities around the country ... and a few out of the country)
- Reading now ... an older title of Tickle's called Prayer is a Place. I love her writing style/voice. She speaks directly to me.
- Waiting in the wings: It: How Church Leaders Can Get It and Keep It by Greg Groeschel. I'm not sure where he fits into all this yet. I'm pretty sure he's not "emergent" but I think he's worth reading.
- And then I think I'm ready to go back to McLaren... whose books I bought 2 years ago, but I wasn't ready ... or didn't have the framework I have now to read them. So, I have Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crises, and a Revolution of Hope; and A Generous Orthodoxy
- Also, on my bookshelf, two titles by Erwin Raphael McManus: The Barbarian Way and The Unstoppable Force... but I'm not sure how he fits into this framework yet either.
Since I'm not able to have a conversation with any of these folks in person, I'll be satisfied for now with the books and the Word and my time with the Lord Himself. And maybe after I get the lay of the land, I'll enter some virtual conversations. We'll see.
I just know I want something more from my worship experience. I want to be free in my "church community." I want to be myself ... who reads all kinds of books and watches all kinds of movies and sometimes even blows it in a big way language-wise. I want to ask hard questions of myself and others. I only want one litmus test for my faith: knowing Jesus and Him crucified & resurrected for me. I want a place ... a fellowship... a desire for a true koinonia has been birthed in me through my study of Philippians.... where we can follow the "way of Jesus" together in love and humility and trust.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Emerging Worship Returns
Well, I'm putting my foot back out there. Not sure where this will head but I mentioned to Randy that I think we should transform our Sunday night service into an Emerging Worship service... a dream I had some two years ago but had to let go... is it time now?
In the meantime, just discovered there's a "EM" movement in the Methodist Church (go figure) and one in the Presbyterian denomination (ok... I've been away for awhile!). So, maybe it's actually passe and I need to keep looking. :-)
Actually, I feel drawn to renew my interest ... starting here. I know this one thing for sure--worship in its current design is no longer engaging my soul or my heart. It is time for meaningful change before I just drop out.
In the meantime, just discovered there's a "EM" movement in the Methodist Church (go figure) and one in the Presbyterian denomination (ok... I've been away for awhile!). So, maybe it's actually passe and I need to keep looking. :-)
Actually, I feel drawn to renew my interest ... starting here. I know this one thing for sure--worship in its current design is no longer engaging my soul or my heart. It is time for meaningful change before I just drop out.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Golden Notebook
Well, I've decided it's time to reread The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. As much as I hate to admit it, my blogging has become compartmentalized and some pieces are losing their identity. I spend so much effort on my bible study blog right now ... but that course is almost done so it may languish until January... and then, there's my meditations blog that is current due to our current "50 days with Jesus" series (I love echoing topics when I have a strong sense of where things are headed)... and then, there's my children of heaven blog that has been waiting for movement with the pictures from Africa but I ran out of funds ... and finally there's this one, my true heart for so long, but no focus now.
It's time to connect to the golden moments. It's time to capture them as there have been many, but they careened right on through and had no moment in the sun. For a time, it was the writing of my manuscript that absorbed all of my efforts. That's not a bad thing. I'm still counting on a resurgence there as well. I'm praying for that.
And then, there was the death of Jan Manna. I so wanted to write a memorial to her. She was such a fine woman, a kind and lovely lady whose faith was a beacon for many.
And most recently, the change in my jobs from web guru to public servant. I'm still reeling at this huge change in my work. I chose to change... it's a good thing, but it's a testimony to the internal transformations as well.
Yes, it's time for this "notebook" to be cracked open.
It's time to connect to the golden moments. It's time to capture them as there have been many, but they careened right on through and had no moment in the sun. For a time, it was the writing of my manuscript that absorbed all of my efforts. That's not a bad thing. I'm still counting on a resurgence there as well. I'm praying for that.
And then, there was the death of Jan Manna. I so wanted to write a memorial to her. She was such a fine woman, a kind and lovely lady whose faith was a beacon for many.
And most recently, the change in my jobs from web guru to public servant. I'm still reeling at this huge change in my work. I chose to change... it's a good thing, but it's a testimony to the internal transformations as well.
Yes, it's time for this "notebook" to be cracked open.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Choosing Civility
It's pretty amazing to me that P.M. Forni's book, Choosing Civility, is becoming a runaway concept that is reaching into the fabric of everyday lives. Why has he reached the "tipping point" now? I don't know. Here in Maryland, it's even appearing as a county-wide Choose Civility Project in Howard County. Are these new "rules" ... these 25 rules of considerate conduct? Not really. As far as I've read in the book, it's basic Christian stuff.
About 3-4 weeks agao, I got to hear him speak at a library conference of all things! He was wonderful. Of course, that Italian accent doesn't hurt either. I say, Go for it! If it's easier to remember Forni's rule, "think the best" than it is Luke 22:24-30.
In case you're not the familiar, here are the "rules."
About 3-4 weeks agao, I got to hear him speak at a library conference of all things! He was wonderful. Of course, that Italian accent doesn't hurt either. I say, Go for it! If it's easier to remember Forni's rule, "think the best" than it is Luke 22:24-30.
In case you're not the familiar, here are the "rules."
- Pay attention
- Acknowledge others
- Think the best
- Listen
- Be inclusive
- Speak kindly
- Don't speak ill
- Accept and give praise
- Respect even a subtle "no"
- Respect others' opinions
- Mind your body
- Be agreeable
- Keep it down (and rediscover silence)
- Respect other people's time
- Respect other people's space
- Apologize earnestly
- Assert yourself
- Avoid personal questions
- Care for your guests
- Be a considerate guest
- Think twice before asking for favors
- Refrain from idle complaints
- Accept and give constructive criticism
- Respect the environment and be gentle to animals
- Don't shift responsibility and blame
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Just an Update
Oh, as we get older the body certainly does put a crimp in the old lifestyle. Endoscopy results were not great ... GERD for sure! Lovely. And inflamed esophagus and stomach lining. Doc took a biopsy. Yuk. Results in 10 days. Ok, Lord. Help me "make meaning" of all this.
Bible Study class tonight... in general, I think it's going well. Losing a few here and there, I'll be surprised if there are 10 by end... 12 weeks (plus the lost weeks now, make 15) is a long time to commit to a study. It's a good study, I think, and gives me some flights of fancy.
Last night, taught my new "Get Organized & Get Things Done" mini-workshop based on David Allen's GTD book. That went well although I had to laugh because most of the people in the class were retired. That's not a good sign. I figured I'd have lots of time to get organized by then. :-)
This weekend is busy for the kids... Lily goes to the Reunion gathering for Chrysalis, Saturday, Lily & Sergei go to 4th day workshop to learn about being on a team, and Kip, all weekend is in lifeguard training. Their lives are starting to look like mine.
Bible Study class tonight... in general, I think it's going well. Losing a few here and there, I'll be surprised if there are 10 by end... 12 weeks (plus the lost weeks now, make 15) is a long time to commit to a study. It's a good study, I think, and gives me some flights of fancy.
Last night, taught my new "Get Organized & Get Things Done" mini-workshop based on David Allen's GTD book. That went well although I had to laugh because most of the people in the class were retired. That's not a good sign. I figured I'd have lots of time to get organized by then. :-)
This weekend is busy for the kids... Lily goes to the Reunion gathering for Chrysalis, Saturday, Lily & Sergei go to 4th day workshop to learn about being on a team, and Kip, all weekend is in lifeguard training. Their lives are starting to look like mine.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Challenging Contentment
I've been sick all week and I can't help but wonder as I look at my previous post if this isn't a challenge to that contentment I was feeling. Everything was busy but buzzing right along. I was taking lots of steps in lots of directions, but I was very clear headed. I was even exercising regularly.
Then, whap! I get this mysterious stomach ailment... no one's sure yet what it is... sonogram negative, catscan not very illuminating, and next I get an endoscopy. It's taken the wind out of my sail. I'm trying not to get down about the whole thing, but it's hard to do what I do when I'm down physically. I've been in bed a lot and lethargic and I've watched so many episodes of Law and Order reruns that I can almost put them in order. I'm hungry but afraid to eat ... although that's a little better now that I've got something stronger for the gas ... oh yeah, gas is such a joke until you have so much of it that you can hardly breathe for the pain of it. I felt like a balloon and I just wanted a needle to POP me. So that part's better, but now there's this lingering ache right below the sternum... sigh. We'll see.
It does make you think though... I even contemplated what it might mean to be in the early stages of something serious. Why does the mind go there? I guess because I'm usually healthy... so I'm not so good when I'm sick. What would I do though? How would I react? How would I use my days? How would I express my faith? How would walk the last walk? That's what fear does... lots of questions.
Well, I don't know and can't know. So, I choose today to pass this one up to the Sovereign King. Unlock the mystery as You will.
Then, whap! I get this mysterious stomach ailment... no one's sure yet what it is... sonogram negative, catscan not very illuminating, and next I get an endoscopy. It's taken the wind out of my sail. I'm trying not to get down about the whole thing, but it's hard to do what I do when I'm down physically. I've been in bed a lot and lethargic and I've watched so many episodes of Law and Order reruns that I can almost put them in order. I'm hungry but afraid to eat ... although that's a little better now that I've got something stronger for the gas ... oh yeah, gas is such a joke until you have so much of it that you can hardly breathe for the pain of it. I felt like a balloon and I just wanted a needle to POP me. So that part's better, but now there's this lingering ache right below the sternum... sigh. We'll see.
It does make you think though... I even contemplated what it might mean to be in the early stages of something serious. Why does the mind go there? I guess because I'm usually healthy... so I'm not so good when I'm sick. What would I do though? How would I react? How would I use my days? How would I express my faith? How would walk the last walk? That's what fear does... lots of questions.
Well, I don't know and can't know. So, I choose today to pass this one up to the Sovereign King. Unlock the mystery as You will.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
It's All Good...
Too many blogs ... too many projects ... too many thoughts ... ah well.
Today... let's look at today. I am working on a new "overall" project from David Allen's GTD (Getting Things Done)... in other words, I'm trying to organize my life (again!) har har. Actually, I am more hopeful this time as the system is more holistic and covers both my work life and my home life. I'm even teaching a class on Monday (oh my) on this topic. Actually, I did this to myself on purpose... learn by teaching and doing at the same time. It keeps me focused.
On Thursday, Feb 7th, I'm back to teaching a Bible Study, this time, based on a workbook by Nancy Leigh DeMoss... I have some issues with this, but I'm working through it. I hope to talk to Craig about the tension between being humble ... I mean, there's a Catch22 here... if you say you're humble, you're not, etc. Again, the class is keeping me in the Word and that's a good thing, despite the extra stress. More on this at the Wisdom Seekers blog.
I'm trying to get some of the Africa pictures ready for Rachelville. Actually, Rachelville started out as a website and pictures by a very sick little girl who created it while struggling leukemia and a number of other mind-boggling ailments. She died May 17, 2000. Sometime later, her parents discovered Second Life, a virtual world where they could create Rachel's dream in a simulated environment. I have entered this new virtual world through the library and by the by, met Rachel's father, Bill Sowers, known as Rocky Vallejo in Second Life and he has offered me an opportunity to display some of the kids' pictures from Africa. We hope to complete this project by the first of February. I will be talking more about this project as well as the follow-up photograpy project on the Children of Heaven blog.
Today is catch up on all the blogs. It's time.
Oh, by the way, my heart is ... well, I don't know, it feels pretty good. I am more content with myself than I have ever been. And that's a good thing!
Today... let's look at today. I am working on a new "overall" project from David Allen's GTD (Getting Things Done)... in other words, I'm trying to organize my life (again!) har har. Actually, I am more hopeful this time as the system is more holistic and covers both my work life and my home life. I'm even teaching a class on Monday (oh my) on this topic. Actually, I did this to myself on purpose... learn by teaching and doing at the same time. It keeps me focused.
On Thursday, Feb 7th, I'm back to teaching a Bible Study, this time, based on a workbook by Nancy Leigh DeMoss... I have some issues with this, but I'm working through it. I hope to talk to Craig about the tension between being humble ... I mean, there's a Catch22 here... if you say you're humble, you're not, etc. Again, the class is keeping me in the Word and that's a good thing, despite the extra stress. More on this at the Wisdom Seekers blog.
I'm trying to get some of the Africa pictures ready for Rachelville. Actually, Rachelville started out as a website and pictures by a very sick little girl who created it while struggling leukemia and a number of other mind-boggling ailments. She died May 17, 2000. Sometime later, her parents discovered Second Life, a virtual world where they could create Rachel's dream in a simulated environment. I have entered this new virtual world through the library and by the by, met Rachel's father, Bill Sowers, known as Rocky Vallejo in Second Life and he has offered me an opportunity to display some of the kids' pictures from Africa. We hope to complete this project by the first of February. I will be talking more about this project as well as the follow-up photograpy project on the Children of Heaven blog.
Today is catch up on all the blogs. It's time.
Oh, by the way, my heart is ... well, I don't know, it feels pretty good. I am more content with myself than I have ever been. And that's a good thing!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Return from Africa
We have been home from Africa almost 3 weeks. It's hard to believe. The journey was amazing. That trip was predominately tracked on the Children of Heaven blog. But, life came at me fast and I've barely had a moment to process the trip. I did manage to put up some of the kids' pics from Zambia on FlickR ... but the Namibia pics still need to be touched and then, there's my own pictures. I really hope the holiday time gives me some slow down time since we're not traveling this year. The big news is that I'll be doing a "gallery opening" with some of the pics on Second Life. It will be a big job... but it's a clear target to get the images up. More on that later.
Right now, just want to stop running: holiday madness; luncheons; lunch dates; presents; overseas packages; my car needing work; Mike's car dying; buying a "new" car; visa card shock... what more could there be. It clouds all that I experienced in Africa... the whirl of western culture clamoring... when kids are waiting for someone to notice... we're dying!
Right now, just want to stop running: holiday madness; luncheons; lunch dates; presents; overseas packages; my car needing work; Mike's car dying; buying a "new" car; visa card shock... what more could there be. It clouds all that I experienced in Africa... the whirl of western culture clamoring... when kids are waiting for someone to notice... we're dying!
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