In or Out?

It's amazing how a point of view can change after all. I used to think that these things were more rooted and inflexible. But I see myself changing each month... each year, my faith morphing, my love of Christ becoming more enduring, more challenging.

For anyone who has read any of my posts over the last year, you know I have been examining and reading lots of books, articles, and posts that have been emanating from the Emergent church movement. The emergents are really a disorderly crew whose spokespeople are self-appointed and express themselves differently, depending on their bent toward writing, speaking or performing. In some ways, it makes it more difficult to corral their points of view... everyone putting emphasis on those areas most important to them.

Most recently, I just finished Take Our Bread by Sara Miles. This is not the type of book I would have read a few years ago. Just by nature of the fact that she is a lesbian would have turned me off and away from her material. But then I also would have missed her love for Christ and the description of her work with the poor and the beautiful way she expresses Christ as the Bread of Life. Sara Miles is walking an authentic life. She is true to herself and her Lord.

A few days ago, I participated in a book discussion group that is an outgrowth of our church reading and discussing The Relationship Principles of Jesus by Tom Holladay in small groups. I would not say this is the most challenging book I've ever read... far from it. But the discussion that came out of the chapters about judging was very interesting and unfortunately, very revealing. One of the participants talked at length about his view of "non-judging" being represented by two concentric circles.... those who are "following the will of God... even poorly" are within the inner circle and less likely to judge while those who are willfully "not following the will of God" are outside. (It almost felt like Project Runway, either you are "in" or you are "out.")

How can anyone talk about "in" and "out" or following the will of God as a black & white experience and not believe this would end up being a judgmental practice.... even if done with "love."

Personally, I can no longer operate this way. If anything, I think we are all "out." We all fail; we all sin and fall out of the will of God daily.

Our pastor explained judging as making an assessment and along with it thinking less (or more) of the other person. If we say someone is either "in" or "out" ... isn't that automatically saying they are less?

I think the trap lies in thinking one sin is more sinful than another. But I don't see that in Jesus. Nor do I see it in Paul, even though he makes lists of sins. But there is still scripture that trumps them all: "...There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. [Romans 3:22b-23]

In the center of those concentric circles is only Christ Jesus and we are all drawn to the magnet of his love: some days we are closer to Him than on other days. But He is always drawing us nearer ... nearer by God to thee.

Adapting to Loving Others

Just saw Adaptation (the movie) again with Nicolas Cage and Meryl Streep. I liked it so much more this time than the last time. So here's the line to remember: "It's more important who you love than who loves you."

The only time that is not true is in the things of God. God loving me is supremely important... but here's the trick: God's love is unconditional.

Historically, I have judged the quality of those loving me (all the non-gods). And most of those have been found wanting. I'm sorry, truly... globally sorry. And so, tonight, I release you all. Love me or love me not.

I can only own my own feelings, my own intent, my own motives. God will not love me more because I love God. Jesus will not love me more because I love Him. You will not love me more either. I can't make you love me. I can't be who you need me to be. I can't be who you want me to be. And you can't do any better for me. In fact, the key is for me to love you anyway. That's all.

It's fresh and real tonight. What will I remember tomorrow? May this moment stretch into the morning.

My Brain is Firing Off

I'm doing FB and Twitter and in just a week of Emergent news, my brain is firing off like crazy. My book list just got 5 books longer by going to The Well. And then, I just had to check out tweets from Ashton Kutcher & the Mrs. about The Shack! And then... and then... and now, it's already moving into the night hours.

OK. Slow down. One book at a time.

But then, my bible study tonight was fabulous. These folks just signed up for what they thought would be a "traditional" study of Philippians and I'm introducing them to koinonia! And before I even read the post about the Indwelling Christ, the last half of our class was about Knowing Christ intimately, being "In Christ," and allowing the Holy Spirit to really do an authentic circumcision of the heart. Paul's desire to "know Christ" was complete and total. It was his mantra.

There's just this tremendous synchronicity going on my heart... my soul... my mind. It's all good. But ... it's fast!

Studying All Things Emergent

Well, I've started doing what I love to do: reading everything I can get my hands on that will catch me up to what is happening in this "Emergent" & "Emerging" "postmodern" Christian movement. I am so enjoying this process. Of course, I'm always so envious as I roam the web finding blogs and websites and lists of places where Emergent worship is already happening: cities pretty much but not all. And so, there's hope for this little Maryland town too. :-)

So, here's what I've read or I'm reading (also can see my list of want to reads on Facebook's Virtual Bookshelf app):

• The Great Emergence by Phyllis Tickle (perfect introduction to the movement along with overview of the great cataclysms in our church past)
• The New Christians: Dispatches from the Emergent Frontier by Tony Jones (Emergent Village head honcho - a loose cohort of emergent communities around the country ... and a few out of the country)
• Reading now ... an older title of Tickle's called Prayer is a Place. I love her writing style/voice. She speaks directly to me.
  
• Waiting in the wings: It: How Church Leaders Can Get It and Keep It by Greg Groeschel. I'm not sure where he fits into all this yet. I'm pretty sure he's not "emergent" but I think he's worth reading.
  
• And then I think I'm ready to go back to McLaren... whose books I bought 2 years ago, but I wasn't ready ... or didn't have the framework I have now to read them. So, I have Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crises, and a Revolution of Hope; and A Generous Orthodoxy
• Also, on my bookshelf, two titles by Erwin Raphael McManus: The Barbarian Way and The Unstoppable Force... but I'm not sure how he fits into this framework yet either.
  

And then I wonder about other voices out there ... Dan Allender at Mars Hill Graduate School (for it was Allender who introduced me to "Story" some five years ago) and The Shack guys who intrigued me, not so much by the book itself but the process by which the book evolved and how their questions about "what is church?" have become their own type of phenomenon. Do they all interweave somewhere out in the ether? I really don't know.

Since I'm not able to have a conversation with any of these folks in person, I'll be satisfied for now with the books and the Word and my time with the Lord Himself. And maybe after I get the lay of the land, I'll enter some virtual conversations. We'll see.

I just know I want something more from my worship experience. I want to be free in my "church community." I want to be myself ... who reads all kinds of books and watches all kinds of movies and sometimes even blows it in a big way language-wise. I want to ask hard questions of myself and others. I only want one litmus test for my faith: knowing Jesus and Him crucified & resurrected for me. I want a place ... a fellowship... a desire for a true koinonia has been birthed in me through my study of Philippians.... where we can follow the "way of Jesus" together in love and humility and trust.