Walking Down Another Street

I left the Institute Friday around 1:30 pm and arrived home by 2. I was so full of hope and invigorated with all kinds of ideas and possibilities. By 2:30, I was walloped with the reality of a chaotic house run by by 2 teenaged boys and a husband/father who doesn't do multi-tasking particularly well. Talk about deflated! I got sucked right into the chaos and disappointment.

Today, a day later, I feel a little better, but it has been difficult to rekindle that rush. But whether I rekindle it or not, the future is still before me and I can choose to change it. I can take a another street.

Here's a poem that Becky Schreiber shared with us, written by Portia Nelson:

Autobiography in Five Chapters

1)
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost…I am hopeless
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2)
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
I still takes a long time to get out.

3)
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall…it's a habit
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately

4)
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5)
I walk down another street.

I think it's time to sincerely consider moving on to the next chapter (and street) of my life.

Make an Offer

I'm at a "leadership institute" this week. And there have been some keys, but the biggest key so far was based on a quick remark that came out of last night's session.

A leader must be aware of her surroundings ... environment ... whatever, and out of that awareness and/or sensitivity, observes a need. Based on that observed need, she "makes an offer" to meet that need ... or address the situation ... or bring about an improvement or recommend a change. As a followup, if her offer is accepted, she must now deliver the goods. Being a leader is both sides - awareness enough to make the offer and the ability to follow through.

Being this kind of a leader requires self-awareness and a willingness to give of oneself. Being a leader of this kind requires self-sacrifice. It's a choice.

This Institute is specifically work-related, but the application goes beyond work. It applies to church, community, family and more. I believe it requires my removing the blinders of my typical way of seeing.

I am a leader. But I am a leader that has been sitting on the sidelines. Just considering the idea of "making an offer" has frozen me. I have grown too tired to lead ... consumed by the juggling of daily life. I think I need to review my inner truth.... to make an offer.

Friends and an Unfolding Life

Thanks Kathy... you're the best!

What a joy. My dear friend came down from New York to help move our houseguest (been here since April something) - involving ex-husbands, many pick-ups, helpers, and more. And if that wasn't enough lugging and laughing, she helped me get my focus back on my sanctuary/study... wow! what a difference. It's now a neat, quiet and openly loving space. I am so happy as I spend time here today. We revolved my desk so I can rest my eyes on the beautiful woods behind our home. If I look to the right, I see my many bookshelves filling with my favorite books, finally getting some breathing room after long months in basement boxes. The newly purchased victorian chair goes great with the new loveseat and everything just feels enveloping. We even got my old secretary desk in a perfect corner, awaiting my candles, pictures, objet d'art for my altar. What a difference it has made ... a place to go.... hide, sleep, read, study, work... it all feels perfect. It's really my long-hoped for dream room. ...the healing has begun.

And THEN, we worked on the family room... it too, has been transformed and welcomes everyone in. No more boxes, less clutter, less furniture. Can't wait for my other friends to "come see... come see" and enjoy our home.

There was a lot of hard work (and there's more to do), and despite the fact that every computer in my house is "down" - I am more hopeful today than I have been in a long time. Everything will work out fine.

Our home is really a lovely place. It can be the nest that everyone in my family can enjoy.

I am just very grateful for my friend who understood what I needed this weekend without my even saying it. I look forward to the day I can do the same for her.

Today, in preparation for a Leadership Institute I've been invited to attend (only some 23 participants statewide - that's cool)... I started reading one of the books on their recommended list: Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership by Joseph Jaworski (as in son of Leon Jaworski ... Watergate prosecutor - for those of us old enough to remember...) ... Anyway, I love the book already. Among other things, he talks a great deal about relationships as central to our being... not our doing.

Jaworski asks us to make "fundamental shifts of the mind... to think that the world can ever change without changes in our mental models is folly. ... it's about a shift from seeing a world made up of things to seeing a world that's open and primarily made up of relationships, (emphases mine) where whatever seems most real to us, is actually nonsubstantial. ... we live in a world of possibilities."

Today, tonight, I welcome this world. I commit to living it, feeling it, unfolding within it. Thanks friend. You also have been a part of this little reawakening too.