Friday, March 24, 2006

Damn the Head Cold

I cannot believe how powerful the Head Cold can be. My God it's a brain suck. I am totally wiped out today and I was the same yesterday and all the while, trying to do "business as normal" thing... not very successfully I might add.

Business does not feel normal. I don't really care about anything or to put it bluntly, about anybody. I have several books I could be reading; I have several manuscripts that need my attention; I have a program coming up that needs editing; I have a website that needs developing. And right now, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide.

In a couple of hours, I have to go to a reception to "network." The only reason I'm going to drag myself there is that it's "dinner" - you know, heavy hors d'oeuvres. Is that spelled correctly? I don't care.

One good moment: yesterday, I got to hear Elie Wiesel speak at a luncheon. He was amazing. He talked so eloquently about evil and hate ... how important it is for us remember the acts of evil men and women... the acts of hatred in the history of humankind. Why don't we remember? Why do people continue to brutalize one another in the name of righteousness? Why does evil seem to have the upper hand?

I don't know. In fact, none of us do.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Answered Prayer and More Prayer

I broke my fast this morning with a private communion between God and me. Oh sweet joy of knowing God's faithfulness through these days of fasting and prayer. I am in awe of His goodness.

The agency did call and it's official, they are accredited and they are now fast-tracking our process. Our new Home Study social worker is promising the completed document by the end of next week and so, along with our own updates for the dossier, we should be ready to travel by April. This is our next prayer - that the Ministry of Education in St. Petersburg will view our "request to adopt" favorably and "invite us." Please join us in this prayer.

We spoke with Lily by phone today (as we do each Friday) and her voice, though clouded with a cold, was full of hope and joy. And the other surprise? She received our Christmas gift to her ... one we mailed last November. It was a sweet sign for her.

But most important for me during this process was the discovery of trusting God again... trusting God with our future... with her future.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Fasting and Praying

How many ways are there to knock on the door of God's heart?

Last weekend, I attended our church's women's retreat and asked all the women to pray for our family and our adoption situation. On my return from the weekend I felt like I needed to do some act, some gesture to actively partner with those 180 prayer warriors, and so I decided to initiate a fast. It has been a long time since I have fasted, but this I know, a fast that is not spirit-led is gruesome and pointless. I felt confident that God was in this one and started last Monday, not knowing how long I would continue.

On that same day, my old friend Sandy of last summer had a triple bypass operation. When I went to see her, she looked dreadful and could barely take a breath, but she was compelled to tell me of a vision she saw of me praying prostrate on the floor for ten days and ten nights (this said, without knowing I was fasting). It confirmed my decision to fast and pray.

On Tuesday, I got a phone call saying, unofficially, that our agency is suddenly scheduled to be bumped up to accreditation for next week! And so, I am believing the official news of their accreditation will come on the 10th day of my fast and we will be able to re-start the adoption process for Lily. If the accreditation does not come through for any reason, we will begin an independent adoption through an attorney in Russia... not an easy choice.

Today is day six on clear liquids and all is well. I don't have as much energy as I would like and I'm always cold, but I am trusting God to reveal what is needed, when it is needed. Yes, I believe God is hearing the clamor at "his door."