I'm feeling a bit driven lately to "get my house in order." In the past, this has been a precursor to great change ... a sense of "something coming." And, to be honest, those previous "somethings" haven't all been good. I remember this feeling before I divorced the first time or when I moved from one state to another or when I changed jobs or when someone died. It's a "preparation" time for the event to come, but this time, I'm highly aware of it and as a result, a little afraid, I think.
I'm probably wrong, really. It may be my reaction to a life out of control. "Getting my house in order" may be about creating a surer footing in the face of fractured communications and strong demands on my time, energy, and resources by 3 full-fledged teenagers and a scattered mate.
But, in any case, it's both internal and external... the renovating of the living room & hall, the organizing, the ordering of books on shelves, the finding of a "home" for everything... that's the external... and, at the same time, looking inside for the kernel of self ... the little girl who knows her Father and walks with Him hand in hand... the woman who knows her Lover and reveals herself to Him... the mother who knows the true Son and ponders His truths in her heart: the Self who knows the Other and sees her reflection.
