St. Petersburg and Trust

OK. It's official. We leave May 21st, have our adoption interview on May 23rd and then get to spend the rest of the week with our daughter, Lily. We won't be able to bring her home ... nope, not this time, but we will trust God that all will go well and we will return in July for our final court appearance and then on to Moscow and home.

Like any difficult birth, I am expecting that once she is home, the pain of this waiting time will be forgotten. I trust God that the timing is all within His will and plan. I give Him full responsibility for everything that happens from this day forward. I trust you Lord.
adoption

To Do... To Be... To Wait

I'm not usually one to follow after popular Christian teachers ... hanging on to every word, buying all the books, CDs etc. However, I did hear a teaching a few days ago by Joyce Meyer and one idea has stuck me pretty deeply.

She maintains that one of the hardest things a person can do is to remain in a difficult situation even though you know you are perfectly capable of escaping or extricating yourself from it ... but you don't, because you also "know in your heart," it's a God thing. It's a "trust" thing. It's trusting God to take care of "you" in that situation. It's huge, really. It's pretty much how Jesus went to the cross... trusting, despite outward appearances, that God was working the plan.

I'm a doer and a fixer. I have been for most of my life. If something gets hard or difficult...I'm in there working the options, working my own plan.

I've got a lot of "difficult" things going right now: the adoption, the boys, the husband, the house, the finances, the job, the yard, the body... just to name a few. I think it's time to check in on my trust quotient ...

A lot of self-help gurus are out there reminding us that we are "human beings" and not "human doings." It's a little corny, but in my case, right now, I think it fits.

It's not that I won't be diligent ... that's part of me too... but the anxiety that I often generate when things go wrong or badly... the added stress when events are out of control and go down the tube... all that, makes me think I need to step out in a renewed place of faith and trust in God, I need to believe He'll take care of it--the situation... and me. I just haven't been doing that consistently... not authentically... not lately.

A lot of times, this "human doing" hasn't been willing to wait. Often, I don't even give God a chance to "do" or work things out His Way. I keep trying to put him on my train schedule... and He's probably walking. More later.

The Vultures Are Watching

To all my prayer warrior friends: Thank you!

God is good and all is well for the Browns again. The crisis was handled by the adoption agency staff in Russia and, in the end, it turned out to be a clerical error that put our agency on "the list." But other agencies remain on the list and I encourage everyone to lift up the many children and families affected by this threat to revoke agency accreditations.

Today, before I knew of the good news, I wanted to find a place to pray for our situation (our home was a bit chaotic this morning), so I went to the water. In fact, I found a new place near my work behind some condos. It's a lovely setting with the trees budding, the grass bright and well manicured, the cove quiet, the water very still, the birds chirping, and the sun radiant. A simple white bench above the water's edge beckoned me... it seemed like the perfect secret place.

When I reached it, however, I was surprised to find a row of vultures, at least 8 or so, at the shoreline. They were watching and waiting. For a moment, I was intimidated by their presence, but then I decided to continue, despite my fears, and to give myself to prayer.

It wasn't long before I realized God had given me this setting, vultures and all, as a symbolic picture of our adoption process. No matter how wonderful and well-intentioned, there will always be vultures waiting for prey. How will we respond?

This morning, as I prayed, the vultures departed, one my one. God scatters the vultures of our lives when we trust Him to do it.

Apparently, Mike and I let down our guard after receiving the news of our travel date last week, but now I see that we must pray without ceasing until Lily is home with us... and beyond. The vultures are still watching and waiting for an opportunity to do harm. By by trusting God ... it won't be today.

How Can This Be?

Just got a posting on one of the listservs for families like us who are working on their adoption process. Apparently there was a Moscow Times article that listed 12 agencies whose accreditations may be revoked! And yes, our agency is on the list. How can this be?

Is this the reason Reuel has been here to prepare me with all his words of trust? Trust God. It is all I can do right now. There is nothing else ... there is no one else. Oh heart, be still. Hold fast to the promises of God. Hold fast to His promise to care for the fatherless.

A Week of News

Best News: He is Risen! Thank God for that or I'd be dead. We had a great Easter with a full table of 16 friends and family.

Next best news: We have a "tentative" date for our first trip to St. Petersburg to pick up our new daughter, May 14th. We accept all prayers and good wishes for this process. It's been a long time coming. If all goes well, we'll be able to bring our little girl (ok, not so little, at 15) home in July.

Good news: We're getting a tax refund.... cool, pays for our first trip tickets.

News: I did my "cereal aisle" workshop this month on "building personal mission" with a group of 15 teenagers. That was very cool and well received.

More News: Our friend Reuel has been visiting us during Holy Week. He is truly a blessing. World for Yeshua

Not such good news: My brother has moved to Denver and he's working again and that's good, but his wife has not moved with him. I guess they are slipping into some kind of unspoken separation. I just hate that for them. Marriage is really hard.

Bad news: My precious sanctuary space has gotten mucked up and disorganized. Other family members started gravitating to it and started leaving their stuff and then, the bills and "office-related" stuff started accumulating and in a short time, it became a maelstrom and became like a beautiful garden taken over by weeds. I'm changing this news!