Almost There...

My nephew was here this week. He has turned out well... He had a few near misses - bad choices and the like, but clearly, now, at 24, he's become a good man, delightful company, and a good influence on the boys. Thanks Stoff!

Next week, the boys go to "away" camp ... a week with no arguing. How will I use my time? There is still much on the home front. Our worker is finished, but chaos still reigns. Got to move Sergei's stuff into his new room. Got to finish Lily's room. Almost there, upstairs... almost there. The basement storage area beckons ... but should I give up my week of quiet there... I don't think so.

My sacred space beckons as well. I think, yes. I will take a day next week, maybe two, and finish here in my room. Put my art on the walls. Hang my curtains... File my papers. Embrace my altar and build it from the inside out. Feel the part of it. See the whole of it. Almost there.

I also need to think about my "new street" a little. Today, at work, they had the follow-up Strategic Planning meeting - the "action plans" step and I was not included. That hurt. Again, a sense of being out of favor... of not being valued at that level. But, the Leadership Institute gave me an edge that I must hold onto... I need to recover the feeling, the sense, the belief ... that I do have value and I can create my own favor. Almost there ....

What is it that I have to say? Can I build my own content? Can I focus and compile all that scattered "stuff" from books, seminars, and conferences. Can I work through the fear of tripping up again? Can I do more than just dream about it?

So far, unfortunately, I've reacted in my cliche way ... more information gathering!!! I think I have 12 books on hold at the library and more on order from the bookstore ... and yet, I know... I know, down in there somewhere, that I must stop gathering (Little Voice says: "oh, not yet... I'm not ready ... just need to read more, see more, hear more... not yet... don't stop yet.")... but I know, I must stop... I must stop long enough to sort through what is already there. Why don't I trust what I already have in my head... in my heart... in my soul? Why does it never seem to be enough?

Almost there... it always seems to feel like I'm only almost there... Will I reach my own "tipping point" this time?