Sister, my Sister

What does it mean to connect with family so far away? We have seen each other 4 times in 9 years. Before that, I really had no true idea of this woman, 29 years my senior, who shares my father's genes and blood with me. She is a brilliant woman... a chemist by education, she worked at the same lab 60 years... working with pharmaceuticals, throughout the entire Soviet period as well as the freedom time since 1991. She did not retire until she was 79 years old. She is witty and funny and deeply moved by the losses she has experienced as well as the joys of the moment.

Her joy is infectious as she celebrates our times of being reunited. 9 years ago, we met for the first time in Riga when Mike and I made our first adoption trip for our boys. She took a 5 hour train ride from Tallinn to Riga, just to meet me... to meet us. 6 weeks later, Mike and I flew to Tallinn to see her, her extended family, her home, and to take a trip to our father's old farm. At that time, she lived in deep poverty and it was very sobering. Our guilt was palpable... but she never inflicted any of it upon us. She was at peace with the challenges that life brought to her, even the recent loss of her beloved husband, Egon, and the full life they had had together.

In 2000, on a visit to America, paid by another friend (she would not accept an airline ticket from us), she flew one leg of her trip to Maryland to visit us for some days. She marveled so at the "waste" in American living, ("Why do you have a room with nothing in it but a bed?") but she also marveled at the wonders of Washington DC, New York, and even the village life we led.

And now, 2006, Mike and I come again to Tallinn and amazingly enough, it's an adoption related visit. She doesn't really approve of our adopting a Russian girl... for those of us who never knew the oppression of Soviet life, well, I don't think we can comprehend. But, she still understands and respects our desire and our decision to adopt and I think she will accept Lily too. Their life has improved and for that I am grateful... new amenities like hot water, a nice shower, and everything repainted is wonderful to see.

This trip has been a quiet, healing time after the stress of St. Petersburg. I didn't even realize how much stress we were experiencing until we unwound as we walked amidst the beautiful trees and paths and around the ancient city, with its Middle Ages walls, stairs, and tiny shops.

Last night, we went to visit her son's family in Paldiski, a town on the ocean, some 50 minutes drive from Tallinn. The cliffs of Paldiski are absolutely amazing and the water clear from that height. The little 4 year old granddaughter, Liisbet, with her face full of joy and her natural hope for the future, she kept us entertained all evening.

There's also the laughter we all try to communicate together: Inta's son speaks broken English and no Latvian while my sister speaks Latvian and Estonian, but Mike speaks only English and I speak only Latvian and English. There's lots of translating and often, Inta forgets and speaks the wrong language to the wrong person. We look at her blankly and then she knows and has to start over. It reminds me of how insular our American life is ... so unaware of the world of languages around us. We are, perhaps, too proud that we don't make more effort to learn. Even as others learn English, we need to understand that the true nature of a culture is wrapped inside their language.

Oh, my sister, my sister, I grieve too over the loss of the years we could have had, but I thank you for these precious days. It's a thoughtful time and a precious time. I will cherish this time always.