My old enemy, Disappointment, came stalking last night and thwacked me pretty good from behind. I should have known better. I should have seen it coming, but instead, all I could see, feel, or touch was the familiar shadow.
I have tried not to fall into the habit of too many dreams and hopes for my kids, but there have been some basics... it just never occurred to me that my kids actually might get failing grades on a regular basis. It never occurred to me. They talk about going to college and playing sports at a Division I school but they don't seem to have a clue about the academic part of the game. In most cases, they simply don't hand in their work.
I want to help, but I don't know how.... apparently. Everything I try, including prayer, seems to fall on deaf ears. I have become the scold, the nag, the "nazi" about school work. It's not who I ever thought I would become.
See, it's the disappointment stalker... ready to stomp on me even now. Oh heck, I hate this feeling but it's so hard to shake.
This morning was a little better. I had a quiet time... spent time reading, contemplating, and meditatiing. But then, one of the kids simply would not get out of bed: last day of school, big test and did he study? Nope.
Well, each day has its worries and I need to move on. I know, I know. Place your expectations on Christ alone. Easier said than done.
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