It's hell week, supposedly starting tomorrow, because it's our all day tech rehearsal... but I think it's starting today. I am totally and unequivocally overwhelmed. There's no heart searching. There's no tender, sweet times of personal respite or recovery. There is no sacred space. That girl has to take a back seat this week. This time is just list after list after list: props, costumes, lights, sound. This is frantic phone calls for fog machines and lamp posts. This is begging parents for help. This is kids who still don't know their lines. This is mom the director. This is insane. This is my other world.
A few days ago, one of the kids (an 8th grader, no less) quit the play. Why? "It's not fun anymore," he said. So, what is fun? Is this fun? I don't know anymore. I'm thinking it stopped being fun for me awhile ago. Did I count the cost? The "fun" at at my "real job" has piled up because I'm getting to work two hours late every other day. Next week, I leave 3 hours early every day because I have to rehearse after school. I'll owe the time back. I'm out of leave. I'm in negative leave. Now, that's a concept.
But, like birthing a child... well, ok, not quite like birthing a real baby, but the idea is the same, once the labor is finished and the play is up... and the kids realize that they really "could" do it and the applause and the joy and the pride in a thing well done... maybe that's where the fun will really be. Fun... work... accomplishment... process.
I think there is a key here... something to consider... the process. Well, can't think about that right now... need to find that fuzzy, white material... will it look like snow?
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